(1)   Related Information

²  Pre-adopt  Preparation

Am I suitable to adopt a child?

- Why do you want to adopt?

- Do you feel having blood ties is very important to your relationship with your child?

- Are you afraid to tell others that the child was not born to you?

- Do you feel difficult to face the infertility reality and that your family would be different from other        families?

- Can you accept that your child's background could be very complicated or with incomplete                information?

- Are you willing to open up yourself for enquiry and help from social workers throughout the whole      adoption process?

- Adoption is not merely altruism, but also a lifelong, unfailing promise to the child. Do you agree          with that?

- Do you think adopting a child is only taking care of his/her, or there are other missions/ purposes?

- Are you willing to accept the whole of your child, including his/her birth family as part of him/her?

- How far apart will you and your child be in age? How many years would you be able to take care      of him/her possibly? Do you have the support from your other family members?

- Your child will not possess your DNA, while his/her personality and looks can be very different          from yours. Can you accept his/her difference unconditionally?

- How would you view adoption is?

Am I ready to be an adoptive parent?

- Are you and your spouse walking at the same pace in adoption?

- Are you willing to avoid pregnancy during the period of adoption application, waiting for a match        and completing the adoption process?

- Have you properly faced and processed your losses in infertility and/or miscarriages?

- Are you ready to discuss with your child about his/her adoption past and feelings?

- Are you willing to invest time learn about adoption and parenting?

- Are you ready to accept your child might have developmental delay or difficulties in building              relationships with others due to the previous hurtful experiences?

- Are you ready to give out extra time and effort during the initial adjustment period to build up your      parent-child relationship from ground zero?

- Is your current marital relationship, living styles and financial stability suitable for adoption?

- Will you be changing your job, moving house, emigrating or pursuing further education within a          year or two?

- How much time can you give to your child to accompany him/her?

- Do you have other childcare support from your family, friends and domestic helper?

- Are you ready to board on this adoption journey full of unknowns and possible long wait? How          long are you willing to wait?

6 Wrong Reasons to Decide to Adopt

1. You would like to compensate your infertility loss - Adoption can make you a parent, but cannot          compensate your loss of not being able to bear a child

2. You would like your existing child to have a playmate - The adopted child could be a company to      your existing child, but his/her personality and needs might not necessarily fit the needs of your        family. After all, do you want to fulfil your expectations or meet the needs of the adopted child?

3. You would like to take this opportunity to save your marriage - A child would not be able to save        your marriages, but the stress of adoption and parenting could even worsen the disagreement          between you and your spouse

4. You are hoping to find some sparks to your empty nest or retirement life - Do you want to fulfil            your expectations or meet the needs of the adopted child?

5. You would like to meet the expectation of your spouse to adopt - If you are not wanting to adopt        wholeheartedly, the stress of adoption and parenting would overwhelm you. You would regret            and blame your spouse in making this decision

6. You would like to help society - Adoption is a lifelong commitment and responsibility and would          change your family's lifestyle completely. If you want to help society, you can donate to child              sponsorship or volunteer or take care of children in children's homes

²  Building Attachment / Handling Children's Emotions

Reference Books and Information

Books
When Love is Not Enough	The Connected Child	Toddler’s Adoption – The Weaver’s Craft	The Whole-Brain Child
Films and Dramas
Instant Family	Inside Out	はじめまして、愛しています

²  Telling of Adoption

Positive language is important for the healthy growth of the children. Parents should start practicing these positive wordings on the right column when the children are still young:

Reference Books and Information

Books
Making Sense of  Adoption - A Parent's Guide	Talking about Adoption	Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sende of the Past
Storybooks
With Love in Our Hearts	I Want to Remember	Tell Me Again the Night I Was Born	The Family Book
We Belong Together	How I Was Adopted	Yes, I'm Adopted!	ABC Adoption & Me
A Mother for Choco	God Founds Us You	Adoption if a Lifelong

²  Root Tracing

Reference Books and Information